it is patronizing I agree and Kurt you put it well... its when the other just keeps coming back for more that it seems you have to spell it out and it can only be done brutally and with cruelty since it has to be so blunt and direct. It is like ripping off a band aid painful but has to be done.

I do not think there is much room for a conversation of closure with someone you are ending a relationship with; it often seems patronizing to other person. Often the person who wants to have the closure conversation is the one who is ending the relationship; therefore, it is almost by default a degrading conversation to the other person and comes from a place of guilt rather than love. So just let it go.

I say, just end the relationship, be kind, and let them go. Your so called closure if only going to hurt them more.